Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Zombie Blog

*With a slow, subtle swelling of earth the blog grave begins to shift and crack. Ground parts as the dead blog forces itself out of its earthen tomb, to rise and walk among the living blogs, and feast on their blog-brains*

Mrh?

Grumpgh.

*Clearly weakened from months of neglect, Life After 208 attracts Zombie City's attention through proximity and the familiar scent of all those who once posted on Zombie City's own hide*

GRAAAAAAAANRGH

*With a sudden burst of speed, Zombie City lurches forward, sickeningly breaking ties with the roots it was once intwined in. Pressing into Life After 208 with all its weight, Zombie City slowly collapses onto the weakened blog, sinking its teeth into Life After 208's soft, fleshy neck. The feast is short and merciful, however; something ancient tells Zombie City that an army will be needed. For this is not to be an isolated act of blog-violence, but a war. A war on the very blogulution that spawned this hideous freak of a blog.*

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The Horde is Almost Here

My medic, Stab n Jab has had lots to do lately. He makes daily runs over to the PD to the west, and usually finds several survivors in need of his first aid kits. El Matador and Gun Slinger are both great with their guns now, and spent the day loading up on an immense ammount of ammunition. Tomorrow they're heading west to blast the shit out of some zombies.

I hope everyone in the mall is ready - stay active, get out and blast some zeds before they get a chance to reach the mall! Long live the living!

Monday, December 05, 2005

Zombie Pause

So Urban Dead continues to be insanely slow. I only have four guys, and it's all I can do to get through them all in day. It takes about an hour, and I tend to lose interest far before I finish even one of them at this point.

The other big prolem I'm running into now is that my highest level guys are around 10, and have all the fighting skills they need, shopping, bargin hunting, barricading, freerunning, body building, etc, etc. There's nothing else to do for the moment! I could get all the fighters scientist skills, and all the scientists more fighter skills, but it's just dull - anything one of the groups is lacking I've already played with via the second pair. Plus scientist skills (except for healing) have become all but useless.

I could see continuing the good fight if there was some organized resistance to be a part of, but at the moment my guys run around as individuals, and operate from complete safety anywhere withing walking distance of Bale Mall. If the server were up and running perhaps I could journey to a fort, and try to take up residence there just for a change of scenery. But the thought of a cross-city journey with the response times we see these days... Not pretty.

For these reasons, I have decided to use Bale Mall as my hybernation den. Torrential Pain was the last one to arrive, pulling into town today. (It took me about a half hour to get him there.) My four brave warriors and scientists will await the day that news comes to the city of faster servers, or some new skill or event which draws our attention and we awake from our slumber. Until then perhaps one man or another will awake from time to time to have a look around and search the nearest shop. I will try to stay abreast of the issues revolving around Malton through this blog - keep me updated if anyhting happens which I should be a part of. Be sure that my hatred of zombies will only grow during my slumber.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Sloooooooooooow

Grrr. This server speed is really irritating. I did a little "experiment" today.

In twenty moves, it took on average 23 seconds per move. I admit the sample size is small, but I think it will be ok for this "experiment." Now, this 23 seconds per turn is shocking to me. Check this out:

23 s/turn * 50 turns/player = 1150 s/player = 19 + 1/6 min/player

For those of you like Marcus and myself, you have seven characters that you use. This comes out to over 134 minutes, ignoring the time it takes to log in and out, buy skills, check the map, and, of course, update the zombie spreadsheet.

It looks like I'm gonna have to drop some guys unless/until things speed up. Not even I have over two hours a day to play Urban Dead*.

*This is a pathetic lie.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Gun Slinger: A One Man Army

Gun Slinger forgot to do anything yesterday, as he had just gotten an Xbox 360 and was playing with it. Today, though, he awoke from his stupor and searched the hell out of a mall gun store. Check out the arsenal (I didn't find all of this today):

Two bottles of wine.
A bottle of beer.
Eight pistols, all loaded, with an extra clip.
Eight shotguns, some loaded, some not.
Four flak jackets.*
A mobile phone.

*Does it make sense for me to hold more than flak jacket? Do they run out at some point? Or should I just ditch the extras?

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Zombies attack Tot Lot, Dixon Elementary

It was Saturday Night. I was driving around Brookfield with good old O-Negative. With no Wipert in town, and the WB taking up Bram Stroker's basement space, we were left with no where to go. After an eventful tour of our friends' houses, we made one last stop, upon Polley's request. We went to the Tot Lot.

There was a thick fog around Brookfield that night. This fog made it hard to see the Tot Lot. Brammer said to me, "I think I see someone on the swing." I couldn't quite make it out, so I turned on the brights to my mother's Highlander.

We did indeed see someone on the swing, but the intensely illuminated beams, sharply defined by the cloudy fog, also revealed dozens of people previously unseen in the darkness. Due to our prowess in identifying zombies, Brammer and I immediately knew we were in trouble.

I quickly backed out of our parking spot, but I couldn't leave yet. I had briefly replaced the Tegan & Sara CD we were listening to with a Múm record. Realizing that my death was imminent, I threw in If It Was You so I could listen to Sara ask me, "What's wrong with you?" a few more times before I would only appreciate the Quins for their delicious brains.

Just as I was shifting into drive, a hand smashed through Brammer's window. "Pat, you idiot", shouted Brammer, "Drive!" I floored it, thrusting the car forward. The recent snow fall combined with Brookfield's inability to timely shovel public parking lots transformed the Tot Lot's parking lot into an ice rink. The car spun out of control and into the creek that separates the Tot Lot and Pilgrim Road.

It was clear that the car was useless. We had to proceed on foot. We decided to go across the street to Dixon Elementary. Not only would it contribute to the nostalgia-driven night, but it was also the closest lootable location.

When we got there, I was distraught to learn that the entrances had been very heavily barricaded. Luckily for me, Brammer was already a step ahead. He went to Portraits on Pilgrim, and disappared inside. "Meet me at Dixon's North entrance," he instructed. Just as I got there, Brammer came out with a couple of baseball bats and a can of spraypaint. "Free running," he explained. "You should really think about leveling up soon, Pat."

With bats in hands, Brammer and I made our way to the Brookfield Police Department. We smashed a few zombies in the head, I got Free Running, and Brammer got Body Building. Imagine his guns before, and now increase those by twenty percent. It's sick.

We're currently in the Police Department, looking for guns and keeping up the barricade. If you care to join us, meet us at Brookfield Square. We'll be moving out tomorrow.

True story.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

No Joy in Wray Heights

Benjamin Gibbard made two interesting discoveries as he woke up yesterday.

First, the same zombies that had attacked him the previous day were in the new safehouse he had found. Notice on the transcript below, Rotten Old Al (the zombie that almost killed me the previous day) says "BANNAMAN GABBARH," assumably zombie speak for Benjamin Gibbard. Other zombies also say, "
Ban Gabbarh," obviously shortened to Ben Gibbard. These jerks are out to get the hottest indie sweetheart in the world!

Second, two of my safehousemates had an in depth conversation about the direction of Death Cab. As requested by Gertrude, here is the conversation in full (less flares going off and timestamps):

---
  • Joe Cotton said "Hey Ben, can you guys make your next album more like Something About Airplanes?"

  • Lewis Skinner said "Dude, I kinda liked Plans. Maybe it suffered a bit thematically, but the songs were solid. Overall it's on par with Transatlanticism, I think. And hey, are we gonna get another Postal Service at some point? That'd be cool."

  • Joe Cotton said "Plans and Transatlanticism WERE both good discs, but I think the band is gradually going downhill. The songs may be more complex musically and emotionally, but Songs and We Have the Facts both have an earnestness about them that the newer material lacks."

  • cromlich said "Hammmmbrrgaz!!"

  • cromlich said "Hey guys! It's sort of chilly in here. Do you feel a draft? Did someone leave the door open?"

  • Taika said "I swear, real estate values in this area have gone to pot ever since these new residents started showing up. And petty crimes like break-ins are through the roof."

  • Lewis Skinner said "Yes, but how does earnestness outweigh musicianship? Bargain bins are full of bands which deserve to be forgotten, no matter how earnest they are. Good bands become great by learning complexity and using it well."

  • Lewis Skinner said "You can't expect them to try and keep their music in some kind of stylistic suspended animation, never experimenting or trying for more subtlety or even just trying to NOT go over ground they've already mined the hell out of. Am I right, Ben?"

  • Lewis Skinner said "You know who would like music to stay the same? Zombies. They don't like change. All they want is a beat they can dance to and brains to eat, and god forbid you ever try showing them something new or innovative. They don't want that."

  • Rotten Old Al said "BANNAMAN GABBARH, B hra ZAMBAH!"

  • A zombie attacked you for 4 damage.

  • The zombie's bite was infected! (You'll now take 1HP damage for every action you take, except speaking. Infection can be cured with a First Aid Kit.)

  • Joe Cotton said "Good call, Lewis. I'll agree that you shouldn't tread water. Ben and gang are doing that well. But complexity doesn't necessarily trump earnestness. Good music is good music."

  • Joe Cotton said "Bargain bins are also full of bands that--oh look, zombies---can play their instruments better than every other kid on the block, but still can't write songs. I agree than Ben and his pals do both well..but I dunno--I still find Plans sorta boring."

  • Lewis Skinner said "Yeah, I'd agree with that. I'm just sayin' that I don't think DCFC's recent work really suffers in comparison to their earlier material."

  • Lewis Skinner said "Plans doesn't have the thematic cohesiveness of their earlier albums, but its good songs are often GREAT, and its weakest tracks are (unlike some of their earliest missteps) still quite good."

  • Lewis Skinner said "Huh, zombies. Well, let's ask THEM: hey zombies, d'you guys yearn for Death Cab for Cutie's older material, or are you pleased with their newest album?"

  • Joe Cotton said "I don't think the band has a bad song at all, honestly. I just think their earlier material is more consistently good. The new stuff is *good*, but--to me--has a few lulls. A few songs that aren't bad enough to cut, but fill more like they're just *there*"

  • Joe Cotton said "And by fill, I meant feel. Geez, I'm still not used to actually talkin' here-- I've been making moaning sounds for too long. Anywho--DCFC. I guess different strokes for...and all that."

  • Joe Cotton said "Why, that one zombie is dancing! Look at him go! He's got incredible floorwork moves, man...did you see how he moved from the 6-step into the moonwalk? Nice."

  • Rotten Old Al said "Ban Gabbarh ahz ahzahm! Ah grab ANAH Ban Gabbarh! Mmm mmm!"

  • Lewis Skinner said "See, I don't know that I'd agree with that. Their older material has a few--ow! son of a bitch, I just got bitten--a few songs which were just ponderous and mopey and too similar to other songs of theirs. I find their new penchant for variety refreshing."

  • Lewis Skinner said "They've always been able to just NAIL great songs on every album; what they're doing better these days is making those songs unique. Me, I dig it, a lot. ...and daaamn, that zed really can dance, can't he? It's like watchin' a music video or something."

  • Joe Cotton said "Very good point. I can really see what you're saying, especially in regards to We Have the Facts. I still think Something... is their best disc (and probably always will), but they really did start making every track unique from the Photo Album on."

  • Joe Cotton said "Even though they recycled a tune from the Stability EP for the new album (tee hee!)"

  • Necroto said "Rh ra!"

  • Zombeef said "Ba Ba Ba, Ba Ba Baran! Ah-ahhhhhh, ahh-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!"

  • Gutrot said "Bananarama!"

  • Zombeef said "Argh! Bananarama? Man."

  • Zombeef said "Hambargarh! Hambargarh! Garh! Argh! Ha ha ha! Garh!"

  • Chris Retnam said "My brethren, let me help you!"

  • Spleeneater said "Haha babba!! zaanaarh"

  • Zombeef said "Zanababa! Banarang! Ha Ha Ha! Man ga Argh! Man ga Argh! Ha ha ha! Ba ba ab, ba ba baran!"

  • Joe Cotton said "Hey, is that one singing? That's pretty-ow!---pretty cool."

  • Clint Stompheader said "Hhhhhhhraah arrh ha? Ha ha, ha ha!"

Cell Phones

So all those cell phones I'm carrying now might start being used to send text messages! I vote we all stop using email / real phones / talking to each other, and resort to only text messaging each other via our urban dead cell phones.

All in favor? "YAY!"

All opposed? "GNARGH!"

ZOMBIES!! (Hail of bullets, axes, DNA extractors, and revivification syringes)

*you clear the building of bodies*